BOLD AND BRILLIANT ONES

February, ah….. the month of love.  Here is a secret.  It is not just a month of romantic love.  Look in the mirror.  It is also a month to remind ourselves, especially when we are in the midst of change, how essential self-love is.  This is how to be your own BEST Valentine.

If there is one word that represents midlife it is CHANGE!  Just stop for a moment and think about all the changes you are experiencing at this very moment; relationships, life roles, an aging body or mind, moving, career shifting.  You have your personal list. Then there is the big Kahuna we are all sharing collectively– political shifts. 

Here is the question of the hour.  How do you talk to and treat yourself when life is asking you to make adjustments; suffering, feeling afraid, confused, inadequate, angry, or feeling like a failure?  What would you say and how would you treat a friend who is struggling with a similar situation?  Are the voices and actions similar or are they glaringly different?  The difference in the two are directly related to your self-compassion quotient; the ability to “put an arm around yourself and be your own best friend in the midst of difficult times”.

I can already hear some of your comments.  Self-compassion is for wimps!  I need to be strong. Self-love is way to selfish and self-focused.  I need to be hard on myself and push to continue being successful.  What will others think if I take care of myself before them?  Notice your energy level with your use of that kind of self-talk when you are struggling.  Mine takes a nosedive.

Hold the phone!!  Research and experience points to the opposite when it comes to self-compassion.  It fosters strength, greater self-confidence, greater happiness and more satisfaction, stronger motivation, and better mental/physical health.

Being a woman who has moved into her second half of life, I think this is the most important reason for practicing self-love and compassion; it creates a safe inner space to fuel creative thinking and foster resilience.  Resilience is the ability to pivot again and again with life’s changes.  It is a muscle needed by all of us to manage the modifications inherent with aging.

February is here.  Just for this month, sprinkle in more self-love.  You may find it leads to a heartfelt new habit.